This has been something that I recently have strove to answer, but cannot. I can tell you that I have felt a sense of calm since I’ve been made this spiritual change (becoming Catholic). I enjoy going to Mass, attending RCIA, working on myself and being the person God would like me to be – I feel happy to do these things every day. And above all, my faith in God has grown in the sense that I let my life be guided by trust in faith.
But what about Jesus? Do I know him if I know God? Trinity aside – who is he, and how can I make him more central in my life?
I honestly believe that I cannot fully feel Jesus and His presence with the Holy Spirit to the maximum capacity until I can accept the Sacrament of the Eucharist, through the Sacraments of Initiation (Confirmation and Baptism, included). (Is it weird that I am looking forward to the Sacrament of Reconciliation?) So I’ve searched for videos because I am such a slow reader, and I found this:
Sounds good to me. Not sure if it’s 100% Catholic, this video, but it aligns with what I’ve learned, read (not yet from my New American Bible), and been told in my spirit.
In our RCIA class last week, we talked about morality and the formation conscience. The Father asked us what we do when we have a dilemma in choice or a moral crisis. We all thought for a moment. In my mind I offered “Pray?” That’s what seemed obvious anyway. From listening to Catholic radio, daily, during my morning drive, during work, during my ride home, etc., I have learned – or been told, rather – that a healthy prayer life is the way to promote our relationship with God and, therefore, Jesus Christ. But how do I get there?
I have yet to master or event attempt to pray to Rosary – it is a goal of mine but I have no practiced or worked towards it. Is that the only answer? If you read my post about my obsession of nuns, this is coming back to that. See below:
All the videos I watched about religious sisters, I see the light of Christ shine through them and their spirits. An epiphany that I have had is that I am jealous, or envious, of their relationship with Jesus. I yearn for that but have no idea where to start. Is Mass enough? Will my life change noticeably after I partake in the Eucharist, Confirmation, and Baptism?
A lot of the most outwardly devout sisters speak of a hardship in their relationships with Christ, having to come to terms with their inner turmoils, learning to seek prayer and Christ as all the answers to life’s qualms, etc. I pray for the time that my heart is alleviated is pain, that one day I can be in Adoration and cry tears of relief and happiness.
In the same breath, do I not readily feel the heavy heart in need of Reconciliation because my spirit is not in a dark place? Am I emotionally stable but spiritually hungry? That could be. Prayer always does seem to be the answer. What can a therapist tell me that Jesus Christ cannot? The point of becoming Catholic is to believe unconditionally in the Church and the truth she proselytizes.
I have so much to learn and, God willing, many years to do it. My heart is afire with the truth of Christ and I hope to gain the knowledge necessary to evangelize those around me.
May God bless and keep you.
Conservative Black Catholic 